2015 was a difficult year for me. I was in my third year of my bachelor and working hard. I knew that the second semester of my third year, the beginning of 2016 I would embark on new adventures by studying abroad in Australia. In 2015 I was 23 and for some reason, it was the year I disliked the most while getting older. It felt worst than 25 and probably worst than 30 will feel. I felt trapped in many ways and unhappy with myself.
I had gained weight and even though I was working a lot I became stagnant. I stopped believing in myself and also stopped trying to get better by developing myself. I felt bad for my achievements and struggled to see past some of the negatives I had let into my life. They crept up on me slowly and all the sudden they were everything surrounding me. I had friendships where I put on an image and never let anyone really close. I hid things from the people closest to me and devalued myself. I was still driven as always but my dreams and goals became smaller and smaller. I struggled to see my vision, lost some of my confidence and wasn’t my biggest supporter anymore. I felt trapped in a life that did not suit me anymore.
So, my solution was to find a way to escape, to leave my environment, as it has been so many times before. As much as I was scared to go to Australia, the furthest I have ever been from home just as much I was also excited to get out of what my life had become. In many ways, I think I am always tough on myself and often am my biggest enemy but in 2015 I was making excuses for myself and many of my circumstances. Instead of being the maker of my situation I felt like the situation was making me. Years later I still sometimes feel like that, but I have also learned that when one starts taking responsibility and looks for active change and looses some of their fears many things can change for the better. It is always difficult but when you feel like you are down what is there to lose when trying something new and hoping it gets better. If it does not help then try something else, how much worst can it really get?
Sometimes, I wonder if the struggles of the 20s are just to find yourself. To understand that even the people who seem to have it all figured out sometimes struggle and have moments of weakness. Not everything is always as perfect as it seems from the outside and that especially in your 20s you are so young that you have the chance to always change your life one way or another. I think once passing the mid-20s things take a very different turn again but the early 20s at least for me were sometimes hard. One becomes an adult with so much uncertainty in one’s own personality. With 23 I did not feel like the same person I was with 18 and now with 26, I feel like the last 3 years have really made me grow. That came from drastic changes in my life and from just embracing change, from allowing myself to see my own weaknesses and realise that the people around me become even closer to me when I share these weaknesses with them. Life is not always easy and it for sure is never perfect, but it can get close to it when we give ourselves the understanding that weaknesses and failures can be massive opportunities for improvement and change. These need to be endured and cherished as they might hold opportunities that change everything. So, I will try and show things that I have experienced over the years through my travels and nomad life that changed me and that made the person I was at 23, be proud of who I am now. Even though I know it is a process and that I still have a lot to learn and change, I am proud that I am always open to it but more about that next time.